Various "Laws"

1. Law of Mechanical Repair - After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch and you'll have to pee.

2. Law of Gravity - Any tool, nut, bolt, screw, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.

3. Law of Probability - The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.

4. Law of Random Numbers - If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal and someone always answers.

6. Variation Law - If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now (works every time).

7. Law of the Bath - When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.

8. Law of Close Encounters - The probability of meeting someone you know increases dramatically when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.

9. Law of the Result - When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will.

10. Law of Biomechanics - The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.

11.. Law of the Theater & Hockey Arena - At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle, always arrive last They are the ones who will leave their seats several times to go for food, beer, or the toilet and who leave early before the end of the performance or the game is over. The folks in the aisle seats come early, never move once, have long gangly legs or big bellies and stay to the bitter end of the performance. The aisle people also are very surly folk.

12. The Coffee Law - As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.

13. Murphy's Law of Lockers - If there are only 2 people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.

14. Law of Physical Surfaces - The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor, are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet or rug.

15. Law of Logical Argument - Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about.

16. Brown's Law of Physical Appearance - If the clothes fit, they're ugly.

17. Oliver's Law of Public Speaking - A closed mouth gathers no feet.

18. Wilson's Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy - As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it.

19. Doctors' Law - If you don't feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor, by the time you get there you'll feel better.. But don't make an appointment, and you'll stay sick.



   A Pastor goes to the dentist for a set of false teeth. The first Sunday

after he gets his new teeth, he talks for only eight minutes. The second

Sunday, he talks for only ten minutes. The following Sunday, he talks

for 2 hours and 48 minutes.

The congregation had to mob him to get him down from the pulpit and they

asked him what happened.

The Pastor explains the first Sunday his gums hurt so bad he couldn't

talk for more than 8 minutes. The second Sunday his gums hurt too much

to talk for more than 10 minutes. But, the third Sunday, he put his

wife's teeth in by mistake and he couldn't shut up....


  Go Green - Recycle CONGRESS!!



DON'T MESS WITH OLD MEN......The strong young man at the construction
site was bragging that he could out do anyone in a feat of strength. He
made a special case of making fun of one of the older workmen. After
several minutes, the older worker had enough. "Why don't you put your
money where your mouth is," he said. "I will bet $100 that I can haul
something in a wheelbarrow over to that out building that you won't be
able to wheel back. "You're on, old man," the braggart replied. "Let's
see what you got. The old man reached out and grabbed the wheelbarrow
by the handles. Then, nodding to the young man, he said, "All right,
Dumb Nut, get in."